RESILIENCE & COPING

Bouncing Back

Resilience and coping are two of our strongest features in maintaining positive mental health. Resilience is the ability to bounce back after a hardship. People with “good” mental health don’t necessarily lead lives free from stressors. But they generally do have greater access to healthy ways of coping, meaning healthy ways of dealing with the stressor, which helps them to bounce back.

THINK OF RESILIENCE AS A PROCESS OF BOUNCING BACK AND RISING ABOVE ADVERSITY.

Resilience

Some people may naturally seem to be born with greater resilience, but this is in fact a skill that can be learned. The Seven C’s are a framework developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, which guides us in understanding the key traits to foster for resilience.

  • Children develop resilience when there is at least one adult (or more!) who loves them unconditionally. Stable and unwavering love and care from an adult, is a foundation for resilience, and other relationships are important too, particularly teachers, counselors, or mentors from out-of-school programs. Peer connections, through friends or teammates, also contribute to a sense of feeling connected and supported.

  • Youth need the opportunity to develop skills to manage their lives, as well as to pursue what interests them. As parents, we can support their growing independence by giving them space to problem solve, work out conflict, or follow through on their responsibilities. Recognize and point out their individual strengths, especially where they differ from siblings or friends.

  • When we believe in ourselves, we are more likely to take chances and quicker to bounce back from failure. We can help our children develop confidence by providing opportunities to be successful and by authentically noticing when they are trying hard, building skills, and growing.

  • Character: This is our children’s sense of right and wrong, how they treat others, and their integrity. The best way to teach this is to model it and to talk about it. Daily life presents all sorts of opportunities to do both!


  • Youth, like adults, thrive when they are making meaningful contributions. Although preteens and teens get a bad rap for being egocentric, and it’s true that in human development they have the starring role in their own stories, they are in fact deeply hardwired to connect and give to others. Help your child find the right opportunity to do this, whether it is through volunteering, or joining a team, or even through contributions at home.

  • As adults, we all want a sense of control over our own lives, as this provides us with a sense of stability and confidence to manage whatever comes our way. Our children are developing this need, and realizing that the more control they have over their own decisions and actions, the more they will be able to cope with outcomes. We can help them by providing choices and discussing potential outcomes, and then letting them make the decision in appropriate situations.

  • This last C is big, so big that we’ve included a whole other section on it. For now, let’s say that coping is our ability to handle stress and what we do to manage our feelings in hard situations.


Coping

Coping is our way of managing the tough stuff. We may cope in ways that positively impact our health and wellbeing, or we may cope in ways that ultimately weaken our health and wellbeing. Because mental health issues are a primary driver of unhealthy coping through substance misuse, and because our young people are experiencing substantial physical, emotional and social changes during this stage, coping skills are especially important for them to develop and practice.

  • How do you cope when you are stressed and what messages may that have sent already to your teen? What are the healthy coping mechanisms that you already have that you can uplift and share with your teen?  A walk around the block, or a few minutes to play some really loud music that you love? If you think you’re modeling unhealthy coping mechanisms, what can you do to consider your own mental health first, and then start modeling that to your kid?

  • One of the healthiest coping strategies that we can use is sharing our feelings with a supportive person in our life. This can look different across cultures and across families, but if it’s right for your family, then start sending the message now that open sharing of emotions is okay, even if the emotion is sadness or disappointment. The trick is that you have to follow up by letting your kid have those feelings!

  • A lot of people still see mental health challenges as a sign of weakness, even though we know that this is a health issue that can be healed.  As a caregiver you can convey an open and positive attitude about seeking support from adults, and set your teen up well for if and when they need to turn to a professional or another adult in their life for help.

  • Make this one into an activity for the whole family: Create a list of all the things that make each of you feel good when you are feeling sad or stressed. Exercise, friends, music, art, meditation, playing the guitar, etc…  Know what helps your teen so you can suggest it in times when they may feel activated and unable to think of those coping strategies in the moment.