MENTAL HEALTH
Supportive and Empowering
Mental Health is a person’s psychological and emotional wellbeing, and the impact of that state on their ability to live their lives. We all have mental health. It is constantly impacted by internal and external forces, and this is normal. In fact, feelings of stress and sadness are as normal as feelings of joy or accomplishment. But when harder feelings are left unsupported or when there are underlying risk factors that contribute to mental health disorders, these otherwise normal feelings can contribute to more severe consequences, including substance misuse, addiction, selfharm, and even suicide. The good news: We can help our kids develop coping and resilience, and there is greater support available when we need it.
Influencing Factors
In short, everything influences adolescent mental health. But in addition to the argument with a sibling at the breakfast table or the shirt that didn’t make it to the laundry in time for today’s presentation, there are a handful of issues and life experiences that we know carry a heavier burden and pose a stronger threat to mental health outcomes.
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In addition to the normal trials of adolescence, today’s youth are dealing with additional layers. They are a generation exposed to unfathomable amounts of unfiltered information. They have active shooter drills in school. They are keenly aware of an unstable and insecure world. Their already sensitive self-images are now measured against social media’s influencers. Inequities and the gap between have and have not is far wider than it was a generation ago. All of these exposures impact one’s sense of self, sense of safety, and hope for the future.
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Mental health starts in the brain, and all of our brains are a little bit different. A family history of mental health disorders or underlying differences in an individual’s brain chemistry can impact the likelihood that a person will experience mental health challenges. We also know that mental health is a key consideration during puberty, due to changes in hormones, physiology and social dynamics.
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If a young person in your family identifies with a biological, psychological or social difference in identity, they may be facing greater challenges to their mental health. For example, a student with neurodiversity or a learning difference that isn’t being adequately supported, may be experiencing feelings of inadequacy, pressure or negative self-talk. A teen who identifies as LGBTQ may face discrimination, structural obstacles to their achievement, and even family or community rejection. These individuals may need specific support to maintain positive mental health.
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ACES stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences, and we have a lot of research to tell us that when kids experience really tough stuff in childhood, there is a higher risk for developing negative health outcomes later in life. It’s important to know that many of us have at least one ACE in our lives, and we have overcome the issue and grown into healthy adults. But with more adverse experiences, there is also a higher risk and a compelling need for earlier intervention to build coping skills and healing for a healthy adulthood. Some ACES include: experiences of neglect or abuse, parental substance use disorder, witnessing violence, parental separation or divorce, loss of a close family member through death or incarceration, and other traumatic events.
Risks
For many of us, the ups and downs of mental health are a normal part of life. We learn coping strategies, we get support when we need it, and when times are tough, we know they will get better. The majority of young people’s lives will follow this pattern. Yet–adolescent mental health in general is declining in a way that is sounding the alarms in both it’s frequency and severity. This means that as parents and caretakers, it’s especially important to be aware of the risks of mental health challenges so that we can step in to facilitate next-level support for our kids who need it.
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Some young people experience persistent challenges with depression, anxiety, hopelessness and other mental health issues that may be diagnosed by a professional and treatable as a medical issue. As parents and caretakers we may be left wondering if our moody tween/teen is exhibiting “typical” age appropriate behavior or if it is an indication of something “more”. You know your kid. If you are concerned at all that your child may be experiencing mental health challenges that need support, please reach out to a medical or mental health professional.
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The close relationship between mental health and substance use goes in two directions. Tweens and teens who struggle with mental health challenges are more likely to use substances. When our social and emotional health is suffering and we don’t have adequate resources to cope, alcohol or drug use initially can make an easy and effective coping strategy. Depending on the substance, it can initially generate feelings of relaxation and calm, perceived happiness, and even the experience of connectedness to a greater power. In turn, kids who use substances may be more likely to experience mental health challenges in the future. This is a particular risk for our adolescents and their developing brains. For example, cannabis use in adolescence is associated with risk for psychotic disorders and anxiety.
Importantly, intervening early in both mental health challenges and substance use are essential strategies for healthy and safe kids. For more on the short and long term consequences of substance use, see our substance use page.
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Suicide is a complex health issue, with many factors leading to risk. Substance use is one of those factors, although there are many others. Importantly, suicide risk can be treated in the same way other health issues are addressed–by understanding the facts, knowing the signs, identifying risks and protective factors, and creating a plan to stay safe and supported. Some possible signs that a person is thinking about suicide include: acting withdrawn, feeling lonely, or expressing thoughts of being a burden; Talking or writing about suicide;
Changes in sleep pattern or appearance; Bullying or being bullied; Joking about suicide;
Humiliation; Lack of acceptance for gender or sexual identity. Help is available by calling 988, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. For more information about suicide and how to support someone, see From Compassion to Action: A Community Guide to Suicide Prevention and Support in Marin County
Resilience
Some people may naturally seem to be born with greater resilience, but this is in fact a skill that can be learned. The Seven C’s are a framework developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, which guides us in understanding the key traits to foster for resilience.
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Children develop resilience when there is at least one adult (or more!) who loves them unconditionally. Stable and unwavering love and care from an adult, is a foundation for resilience, and other relationships are important too, particularly teachers, counselors, or mentors from out-of-school programs. Peer connections, through friends or teammates, also contribute to a sense of feeling connected and supported.
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Youth need the opportunity to develop skills to manage their lives, as well as to pursue what interests them. As parents, we can support their growing independence by giving them space to problem solve, work out conflict, or follow through on their responsibilities. Recognize and point out their individual strengths, especially where they differ from siblings or friends.
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When we believe in ourselves, we are more likely to take chances and quicker to bounce back from failure. We can help our children develop confidence by providing opportunities to be successful and by authentically noticing when they are trying hard, building skills, and growing.
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Character: This is our children’s sense of right and wrong, how they treat others, and their integrity. The best way to teach this is to model it and to talk about it. Daily life presents all sorts of opportunities to do both!
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Youth, like adults, thrive when they are making meaningful contributions. Although preteens and teens get a bad rap for being egocentric, and it’s true that in human development they have the starring role in their own stories, they are in fact deeply hardwired to connect and give to others. Help your child find the right opportunity to do this, whether it is through volunteering, or joining a team, or even through contributions at home.
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As adults, we all want a sense of control over our own lives, as this provides us with a sense of stability and confidence to manage whatever comes our way. Our children are developing this need, and realizing that the more control they have over their own decisions and actions, the more they will be able to cope with outcomes. We can help them by providing choices and discussing potential outcomes, and then letting them make the decision in appropriate situations.
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This last C is big, so big that we’ve included a whole other section on it. For now, let’s say that coping is our ability to handle stress and what we do to manage our feelings in hard situations.
Coping
Coping is our way of managing the tough stuff. We may cope in ways that positively impact our health and wellbeing, or we may cope in ways that ultimately weaken our health and wellbeing. Because mental health issues are a primary driver of unhealthy coping through substance misuse, and because our young people are experiencing substantial physical, emotional and social changes during this stage, coping skills are especially important for them to develop and practice.
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How do you cope when you are stressed and what messages may that have sent already to your teen? What are the healthy coping mechanisms that you already have that you can uplift and share with your teen? A walk around the block, or a few minutes to play some really loud music that you love? If you think you’re modeling unhealthy coping mechanisms, what can you do to consider your own mental health first, and then start modeling that to your kid?
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One of the healthiest coping strategies that we can use is sharing our feelings with a supportive person in our life. This can look different across cultures and across families, but if it’s right for your family, then start sending the message now that open sharing of emotions is okay, even if the emotion is sadness or disappointment. The trick is that you have to follow up by letting your kid have those feelings!
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A lot of people still see mental health challenges as a sign of weakness, even though we know that this is a health issue that can be healed. As a caregiver you can convey an open and positive attitude about seeking support from adults, and set your teen up well for if and when they need to turn to a professional or another adult in their life for help.
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Make this one into an activity for the whole family: Create a list of all the things that make each of you feel good when you are feeling sad or stressed. Exercise, friends, music, art, meditation, playing the guitar, etc… Know what helps so you can suggest it in times when anyone in the family may feel activated and unable to think of those coping strategies in the moment. We can model coping strategies by pointing out when we go for a walk or take a time out when we are feeling overwhelmed.
Navigate All Of The Let’s Talk Content In One Place
This includes Adolescent Development, Substances, Elementary Ages and What You Can Do as a caregiver.
