WHAT YOU CAN DO

Small, Steady, and Within Reach

Your influence matters more than it might feel some days. Whether your child is in elementary school or finding their way through high school, the things you do consistently like showing up, staying connected, being clear about what you expect, are among the most protective forces in their life. This page is organized around four things research consistently shows make a difference: strong relationships, clear expectations, healthy boundaries, and connected communities. You don't have to do all of it perfectly. You just have to keep doing it.

CONNECT | COMMUNICATE | SETTING BOUNDARIES | MODELING |

Connect

As your child grows, it can feel like they'd rather be anywhere but with you. But parents remain one of the most powerful influences in a young person's life. Connection is not just nice to have. It's one of the most protective things you can offer.

Stay Curious About Their World
Your interest tells them you care, even when they roll their eyes.

Your kids may not always seem like they want to talk, but they notice when you're genuinely interested in their world, not just checking in on their grades or schedule. Connection doesn't require a formal sit-down. It happens in the car, during a show they picked, walking the dog. The key is showing up without an agenda.

Skip "how was your day?" and try something more open. Ask about their friends, what they actually think about something, what they're into right now. This isn't the moment to critique or redirect. It's their moment to feel like you see them for who they are, not just who you hope they'll become.

Try saying

"What's something you've been thinking about lately that I'd probably get wrong?"

Or after something tense: "I don't want to make this into a big thing. I just want to understand what's going on with you. What would actually be helpful right now?"

Tip: Side-by-side conversations in the car or on a walk tend to get more honest responses than sitting face to face. No eye contact takes some of the pressure off.

Kids who feel genuinely connected to a parent are significantly less likely to engage in risky behaviors, including substance use. See the research.
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Share Your Values
Kids follow expectations better when they understand the why behind them.

Prevention doesn't start with a conversation about drugs. It starts much earlier, with the everyday messages kids absorb about how your family handles stress, health, and hard feelings. Something as simple as "In our family, we take care of our brains and bodies" plants a seed. That same foundation is what you'll draw on when bigger conversations come up later.

You don't have to wait for the right moment. The right moment is any moment when they're listening, which is more often than it seems.

Try saying

"We know growing up isn't easy, and you're dealing with a lot. Because we love you and we know how much is still developing in your brain right now, we want to be clear: our expectation is that you don't use alcohol or other drugs. That's not about not trusting you. It's about how much we care about you."

Tip: It might not always feel like it, but research consistently shows that kids do care what their parents think. Simply sharing your expectations clearly and warmly is one of the most protective things you can do. Your voice matters more than you realize.

Clear family values communicated early and often are consistently linked to lower rates of youth substance use. See the research behind this.
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Connection Over Perfection
You don't need to get every conversation right. Showing up consistently is what matters.

One of the most important things a parent can give a child isn't a perfect set of rules. It's the sense of being fully known and loved anyway. Kids who feel seen for who they actually are, not just valued for what they achieve, develop a stronger foundation for making healthy decisions on their own.

That kind of connection is built in small, ordinary moments rather than in a single conversation that goes exactly right. It's also built through repair: going back after a conflict and showing that the relationship matters more than being right. This doesn't mean being a perfect parent. It means being a present one, and being honest when you're not.

Keep in mind

"I don't want to make this into a big thing. I just want to understand what's going on with you. What would actually be helpful right now?"

Or after a hard moment: "I think I came in too hot on that. Can we try again? I actually want to hear what you were trying to say."

Tip: Kids who feel genuinely loved for who they are, not their performance, are more likely to come to parents when things get hard. That trust is built long before it's ever needed.

Parental connection is one of the strongest predictors of healthy adolescent development, including lower rates of substance use. See the research.
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Communicate

Good communication isn't one big talk. It's a lot of small ones, started early and kept going. The more normal these conversations feel at home, the more likely your kid is to come to you when something actually comes up. Explore this section to learn more about how to keep lines of communication open.

Listen more than you talk

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Keep the conversation going

"I came across something the other day and it made me think of you. Not in a worried way, just interesting. Can I share it?"

Tip: A news story, a podcast, something a friend mentioned — these are all openings. You don't have to manufacture a moment.

Set Boundaries

Model Behavior

Community

Healthy Life

Tech Habits

PUNISHING YOUNG PEOPLE FOR EXPERIMENTING IS NOT PRODUCTIVE. SKILLS TRAINING … DURING THEIR RISK-TAKING YEARS IS A MORE PRODUCTIVE ALTERNATIVE.

DON CARNEY, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, YOUTH TRANSFORMING JUSTICE